Endings and Beginnings

After my 97-year old dad recently passed away, my life seemed to turn upside down. Two years ago, my dad was forced to move from a facility that had been "home" for almost ten years because he had become a little more than what they could handle. Dementia, a terrible debilitating disease for the patient, is just as excruciating for the family members having to watch the daily decline take their loved one away. You cherish the days where there's a connection, a short but coherent conversation, a remembrance of either people or places, and you work really hard to erase the days when you feel helpless and find your loved one in the middle of the floor with a blanket over their head repeating "don't lock me up, I didn't do anything wrong" over and over. I'm still struggling trying to make sense of it all and working my way through grief, the feelings of extreme sadness, the indescribable emptiness bordering on loneliness, along with a little depression thrown in for good measure. Being an adopted child is a glorious event because I know I was loved and "chosen", however, now that my parents and my brother (also adopted) are gone, there is a void in my heart that goes to my very core. Loss is aways difficult; however, being adopted adds an additional layer that complicates the recovery journey. Some may find this difficult to understand, but I'm finding comfort in writing about this as it gives me some understanding about my current emotional state and why photography is so important in my healing process.

When I began photographing several years ago, my family and friends were always the first to support, encourage and compliment my images. They inspired me to learn more and as I learned more, I realized there was still so much more for me to learn. Its been great having the opportunity to take classes and workshops from amazing professional photographers who are eager to share their passion and knowledge as well as the opportunity to meet so many other wonderful and talented photographers (many who have become close friends) who also share the same passion of photography. Photography has given me a way to connect and a way to escape at the same time.

Where are my beginnings...I don't know and it doesn't matter...I do know "love lasts". Today is a new day with a new beginning. I will open my eyes and my heart. I will notice the light, the colors, the shapes and the textures around me. I will enjoy today; I will value, respect, and appreciate all my many blessings. I will cherish my family and my wonderful memories. May you too be touched and blessed by the beauty of life.